Formal Self-Introduction Email
Dear Professor Blackstone,
It is a pleasure speaking with you. My name is Benjamin Shum, my purpose for writing this letter is to assist you in understanding me better. Having graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electronics & Computer Engineering. My profession has always been working with electronic circuits in the micro-electronics department. Even since I was a primary school kid, I've always been intrigued with how technology functions, I genuinely enjoyed building and fixing objects as a hobby. Not to mention, I've always had a strong foundation in Mathematics and Science during my secondary school days. Thus it was relatively easy for me to comprehend engineering concepts.
The transition from Electronic & Computer Engineering to Telematics was smooth for me due to the fact that most of the modules were similar. The reason why I decided to join Telematics is simple, I had a foundation for it, my interest and passion has always been in engineering and I felt that I could excel in this line of work. Also, I've always felt that improving smart transportation devices in Singapore is how we move forward as a nation. Being known as the red dot in the world map, Singapore is considered extremely small, which is why transportation anywhere in Singapore can be considered rather convenient. However, multiple problems have surface with Singapore's transportation systems, consistent Mrt breakdowns, traffic jams during rush hours and regular traffic incidents. No matter where I look, Singapore's transportation system whether it is public or not seems congested. With that in mind, my overall goal for joining Telematics is to understand and improve our daily transport quality of life.
In terms of communication skills, I believe that one of my biggest flaws is maintaining composure when presenting to a crowd, when I start panicking while explaining something, I have this really bad habit of stuttering and avoiding eye contact with anyone. Reason being the fact that in all my years of education, I wasn't really expose to such an environment where I had to communicate with a crowd often. In terms of strength, I would say that I can converse with almost anyone relatively well. That is because I know how to approach people properly, I understand what most people want just from communicating with them, I also know when and what to communicate with others at times. Hence I am usually on good terms with everyone.
With better communication skills, I would like to grow more accustom with speaking to larger crowds in general. It would also be ideal for me if I'm able to improve my presentation skills as it is also one of my weak suits too.
Personally, I believe you have extremely good communication skills which I can take after and your style of teaching is one of a kind. With that said, I'm really looking forward with the upcoming lessons with you.
Respectfully,
Benjamin Shum
It is a pleasure speaking with you. My name is Benjamin Shum, my purpose for writing this letter is to assist you in understanding me better. Having graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electronics & Computer Engineering. My profession has always been working with electronic circuits in the micro-electronics department. Even since I was a primary school kid, I've always been intrigued with how technology functions, I genuinely enjoyed building and fixing objects as a hobby. Not to mention, I've always had a strong foundation in Mathematics and Science during my secondary school days. Thus it was relatively easy for me to comprehend engineering concepts.
The transition from Electronic & Computer Engineering to Telematics was smooth for me due to the fact that most of the modules were similar. The reason why I decided to join Telematics is simple, I had a foundation for it, my interest and passion has always been in engineering and I felt that I could excel in this line of work. Also, I've always felt that improving smart transportation devices in Singapore is how we move forward as a nation. Being known as the red dot in the world map, Singapore is considered extremely small, which is why transportation anywhere in Singapore can be considered rather convenient. However, multiple problems have surface with Singapore's transportation systems, consistent Mrt breakdowns, traffic jams during rush hours and regular traffic incidents. No matter where I look, Singapore's transportation system whether it is public or not seems congested. With that in mind, my overall goal for joining Telematics is to understand and improve our daily transport quality of life.
In terms of communication skills, I believe that one of my biggest flaws is maintaining composure when presenting to a crowd, when I start panicking while explaining something, I have this really bad habit of stuttering and avoiding eye contact with anyone. Reason being the fact that in all my years of education, I wasn't really expose to such an environment where I had to communicate with a crowd often. In terms of strength, I would say that I can converse with almost anyone relatively well. That is because I know how to approach people properly, I understand what most people want just from communicating with them, I also know when and what to communicate with others at times. Hence I am usually on good terms with everyone.
With better communication skills, I would like to grow more accustom with speaking to larger crowds in general. It would also be ideal for me if I'm able to improve my presentation skills as it is also one of my weak suits too.
Personally, I believe you have extremely good communication skills which I can take after and your style of teaching is one of a kind. With that said, I'm really looking forward with the upcoming lessons with you.
Respectfully,
Benjamin Shum
Dear Benjamin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well focused letter. You elaborate on each of the points required for the assignment in fine detail. I especially appreciate learning something about your previous studies and interest in both telematics and "improving smart transportation devices." You also detail your communucation strengths and weaknesses quite well. You certainly make the case that you have great foundation skills in math and science as well as communication.
With the goal of improving your writing, there are some areas that require our attention though, listed here:
1. overuse of capital letters (see https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/capitalization from the Symbaloo page)
2. punctuation/sentence structure
-- My name is Benjamin Shum, my purpose for writing this letter is to assist you in understanding me better. > (comma splice)
-- Having graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electronics & Computer Engineering. > (fragment)
correct: Having graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electronics & Computer Engineering, my profession has always been working with electronic circuits in the micro-electronics department.
-- one of my biggest flaws is maintaining composure when presenting to a crowd, when I start panicking > (comma splice here and throughout paragraph #3)
-- Thus it was > (missing comma)
-- to join Telematics is simple, I had a > (comma splice)
-- Hence I am
3. verb forms
-- have surface > (verb form)
-- I wasn't really expose > (verb form)
-- to grow more accustom ?
Let's talk about these.
I look forward to working with you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Mr Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking time out of yr bz schedule to read my blog! I really appreciate all the criticism I can receive at the moment for self improvement. I will definitely take yr advise to heart and improve my blog!
Respectfully
Benjamin Shum